Utilizing Your Inner Voice

Utilizing Your Inner Voice – Blog 3 of the ‘How to Become the Spouse You Wish You Were Married To’ Series

Your inner voice is very important in making decisions in your life. It can be that anchor in the storm that centers you, but we often don’t act on it correctly. Sometimes we react directly to our inner voice without thinking about it, and other times we ignore it when we shouldn’t have.

When to listen and when to ignore your inner voice can help be the difference between a healthy and strong marriage and a marriage filled with resentment.

Part 5: The Benefit of the Doubt

Your inner voice can be very reactionary and harsh when you’re caught off guard. When a situation comes along and your inner voice is mad and unforgiving, its important to stop, rethink, and turn that voice to be more kind and accepting.

There’s an idea coined by John Gottman calls Unconditional Positive Regard. Basically, in situations we have to make assumptions, and we can either give the benefit of the doubt or choose to see someone in a negative light.

I encourage you to retrain your inner voice to see through situations in a positive light fist before the reactionary side of you takes over your voice with negative thoughts. Choose to give grace to yourself and your partner over resentment.

Part 6: Stating Your Needs

Your inner voice can also tell you what you really need in your relationship, but you may ignore them or think them not as important or that your partner should already know your needs. DON’T!

Articulate and state your needs CLEARLY!

Let go of the assumption that your partner knows exactly what you need. If your inner voice is saying that you need to be more connected with your partner, tell your partner and figure out how to make that happen. Specifically state what you need and follow it with concrete directions so you and your partner are on the same page.

Also, don’t minimize your partners needs because you might think that they are unimportant. Again, train your inner voice to be kind to situations and not reactionary. Recognize and be kind to what their needs are and try to meet each other’s needs together.

‘How to Become the Spouse You Wish You Were Married To’ Series

  1. Read Part 1 here.
  2. Read Part 2 here.
  3. You’re reading it now
  4. Read Part 4 here.
Christine Lawler

Christine Lawler

MS, LMFT, Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant

Hi! I’m so glad you’re here! I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, practicing for over 13 years. I’ve set out to do ALL of the research and I created a method to optimize baby sleep that is tuned in, empowering and WORKS. There absolutely should be joy in motherhood, and I have learned that every baby CAN get better sleep!

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